A Tanning Fumigation Day

Today was a first of a kind for me. I had a "tanning fumigation" session today.
My sister wanted me to get a spray tan, so I could be tanned before we go on vacation.
Let me say here and now, I have never been to a Tanning Bed and don't ever plan to. To me it's the same concept as baking a ham or roast. Cooking one's skin. But, that's just me.
As we entered the salon, I started to panic inside. Do I really want to do this? Noooo, not really, but I told her I would.
The man behind the desk asked us to follow him to explain how the procedure worked. The closer I got to the small room, the more I kept thinking, maybe I better wait in the car until she does it, but didn't say anything until after he explained the "how to's". It was a small coooold room, where there is an instructional picture on the wall, explaining the four position to stand. I had plenty of clothing on and I was shivering from the cold. He explained about the cream and what parts of your body to apply it to. The palms of your hands, your finger nails especially on the cuticles, between all your fingers, the knuckles, any part of your torso that you don't want tanned, between your toes along with the knuckles, and the bottom of your feet.
I'm looking around the room, thinking to myself, yes, the shower was very clean, the carpet and rug on the floor looked too dirty for me to stand on with bare feet. I also, realized that wasn't dirt, it was the spray stuff that browned it. He pointed out the shower cap and nose guards that you put in your nostrils (they allow one to breathe through there nose without having to hold your breath). Then told us when we get out, we were to put everything we have on into what I thought was a garbage
can. My sister looks at him and says, "my underwear?, I'm not giving you my underwear". He said he was talking about the cap and the nostril guards. Then pointed to two small hand towels we were to use to "pat" ourselves dry.
Only one person is allowed into the shower stall, then they come in to clean and replace all you need. My sister knows me very well, she also knew I was going to chicken out. So, I had to go first. I told her she had to stay in the room with me.
Have you ever watch a B-rated prison movie, where they spray a new prisoner with delousing spray? You know, the kind of movie where there are those sadistic guards. That's what came to mind as I stepped into the shower. I'm standing facing
the front, back almost touching the back wall, legs apart, arms away from my body, palms facing the back of the shower.
Then she tells me to push the button. I tell her, "I can't". I wasn't anywhere near ready to get sprayed with cold stuff. She told me I looked like I was going to electrocute myself, and started laughing at me. I finally got the nerve to push the button, but started to push the holes where the spray comes out, which makes her laugh even more.
Finally, she says, in an hysterical laughing voice, "the button with the green light on the other side". I braced myself so tight, if I was a rope I would have snapped. The very cold spray starts at your feet and moves up your body until it reaches the top of your head.
Second and fourth stance, is a running position, and the third one is facing the back wall, with palms also facing the back wall.
It does give you time to position yourself in between stances.
The mist is so over whelming, I must have opened my mouth to breathe because I could taste it after I was done. Not only did my body get sprayed, my lungs were also treated to tan. Yuk!
I also put the towels in the trash by mistake. I was ready to get out of there.
When we got into the car, I pulled down the visor, opened the mirror to check my teeth, just to make sure they didn't turn brown. I can honestly say, "I'll never do this again, ever!"